Computer Mystery
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By Kanu Shah
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One day I received a call from the Supplementary Social Security Office asking me to come to their office and bring my certain Cash Deposit Certificates. At the stipulated time I went to their office ,where a Spanish lady greeted me and asked my social security number. I gave her my name and Social Security number and handed over my Cash Deposit Certificates. She put my name and Social Security number in the computer, meanwhile I asked her why she needed my certificates which had already expired. Before she could answer me her phone rang which she answered and continued to work with her fingers on the computer keyboard. After words she returned my certificates and told me that I could go.

After a few days I went to my pharmacy to buy my prescription drugs. The pharmacist swiped my medical card through the terminal and was shocked . He told me that he was sorry to say that my medical card has been cancelled. I was angry and asked him how was it possible. I asked him to try again and find out the reason. He swiped the card again and checked on the computer the reason. He told me “ sir , the computer says the card has been cancelled because the person on the card has died.” I was frustrated to hear this and told the pharmacist that this was not the first time I had come to his pharmacy and that I was their regular customer and you know that I am alive and you also know that this is my card. He replied that “sir, I know that but the computer says that you are dead and it is a crime to give prescription to a dead person”. There was no use to argue with her and I left the Pharmacy shop. Then I went to my bank and tried to get some cash from my account but was told that the account was frozen since the system was told that the account owner was dead.

Tired and frustrated I did not know what to do. No money, no credit and no identity. I decided to go back to the Social Security office to see if I could resolve my problem. Unfortunately, I was stopped on the way by a policeman who said I was speeding and was going to give me a ticket. He asked me for my drivers license which I gave it to him. He entered my information on his laptop computer which showed that the license belonged to a dead person. It was hard to convince the policeman that this was indeed my license and asked him to compare the photo on the license with my face. After arguing for some time he was convinced and he told me that since the computer told him that this was a dead man’s license he would take away my driver’s license and allowed me to go.

After I reached the Social Security Office and talked to the officer. He was sympathetic to me after hearing my fate. He checked my case on the computer and told me that on a certain date I had an appointment with them. They had called me to come to the office and see their representative and bring along some Cash Deposit Certificates. You did come to the office and had a talk with Margarita, one of our employee. Yes, I said and not only that but also showed her the certificates of deposit and told her that these certificates had already expired. Hearing this the officer jumped and told me now what had happened. Margarita had noted all the conversation between her and you. But I do not understand why she did not type the word certificate before expired. Oh, I remember now what has happened, I said, when she asked me my name and social security number, I interrupted her and questioned her why she needed these certificates which had already expired. She typed all our conversation but forgot to type certificates before the word expired. So the computer read Kanaiyalal Shah, expired. The officer said you are right, the same thing has happened. I asked the officer to correct the mistake and make me alive again. He tried but he could not do it. He told me he was very sorry, but if this mistake had been found on the same day of the entry, it could have been corrected. Now it is too late and the computer has declared to the whole world that Kanaiyalal Shah is dead and it is not possible even for God to make you alive!

I became angry and asked him what should I do. He replied , I do not know and walked away. So I left the office and came home. My wife gave me a letter we had received from the rental office. The letter’s content was as follows:

Dear Mrs. Shah:
We are sorry to know about the sad demise of your husband, please accept our deepest sympathy. We regret to inform you that since your income is not sufficient to pay the rent, please note that you will have to vacate the apartment.

My wife suggested that we go back to India where there will not be any inquiry about my demise and we can live there peacefully. I told her but how can I go? When they will check my passport, the computer will show that I am traveling on a dead man’s passport, so I cannot leave this country also.

A friend of mine advised me to file a suit in the courts against Social Security Office but I found out the courts have a right to sentence a person with a death verdict but does not have a right to declare a dead person alive and so they said we are sorry we cannot declare you alive. I thought that the best way for me out of this mess is to die, that seemed to be the only solution. But behold, I cannot die also. The crematoria people will check my social security number given to them by my son and the police may arrest my son and the people who took part im my cremation for disposing the body of a man under the name of a person dead a long time ago. So I cannot live and cannot die, can you tell me what should I do and where should I go?
(Writer is a dramatist and having art of creating humour.)
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